God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

You know, I'm always finding something to grumble about with regard to Christmas - if it isn't the shops with Christmas stock and decorations up as the children head back to school for the new academic year, it's the spotty oiks trying to get money out of me by turning up at the doorstep and launching into a half-hearted "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" so pathetic and out of tune that you'd almost be inclined to pay them just to leave!

In fact, in the past I've promised to put up a sign on my door, to compliment the one stating that we don't buy or sell on the doorstep (a sign which afforded me much amusement on the occasion I asked, rather facetiously, of a doorstep salesman, if he'd read the sign, only to have him back away apologetically when he did), clarifying that unless you're prepared to give me at least 2 verses of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen", you're not going to see a penny of my money. For while the spotty oiks are annoying in a feeble way, what's really getting me started are the Rotary people - you know the ones, they turn up in your street with a carnival float pumping out Christmas carols through speakers which have heard better days, and this is supposed to encourage me to give generously?

So this very evening, sitting with my girls, chatting, watching the telly, I was horrified to hear what sounded like the idiot from the house behind us (who really does have some VERY good car speakers!) sitting in the road at the front, playing some kind of rap while waiting for his friend to come out. Only when I opened the door to deliver a lecture (at least the idiot listens to me when I ask him to turn down the music) what did I discover? Yup - you've got it - the ruddy Rotary Club, and their "updated" Christmas CD and carnival float.

While I can't remember exactly what I snorted in disgust as I slammed the door, it was clearly sufficient for the collector attempting to open the garden gate, who gave up at this point, and so I was never exhorted to give.

All I have to contend with now are the spotty oiks. Perhaps I should write that sign after all. I could probably get it laminated...