"What on Earth," I hear you asking, in exasperation, "Has that got to do with being old, fat or ugly? After all, being waxed is hardly going to help with any one of those problems. Don't you need liposuction and a facelift...?"
Obviously not, and no, it's not going to help directly with any of those perceived problems. However, it’s a massive confidence booster. But, once again, I digress, so, racing swiftly to the point, it was my husbands reaction which surprised me most. He actually asked me if I was having an affair! I mean, you can see where he's coming from, but it was such a surprise, especially in light of the old/fat/ugly feelings already mentioned.
So, that was the married me. Now, here I am, freshly single, and I let it out to a few people that I'm back on the shelf, and suddenly I'm as in-demand as I was 20 years ago. I remember a particularly busy year, when it seemed that everyone invited me to be their date for their company Christmas parties (and yes, I did feel like the scrapings at the bottom of the barrel), and in the here and now I've already received an offer of being a date for someone’s corporate bash.
Therefore, I'd like to make it clear that I'm available for Christmas parties, Weddings, and corporate events. This is why I make a really good date.
§ I'm much more convincing than a proper escort, because I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, and thin as a twig.
§ Feed me a couple of glasses of Champagne/Pimms, and I'll get a bit giggly, and start telling off-colour jokes - can you really see a proper escort dong that?
§ Finally, my age is so much more convincing. Unless you’re Richard Gere, no-one’s going to believe you’re going out with a girl who looks like Julia Roberts.
Perhaps, in the light of those off-colour jokes, I should avoid Bar Mitzvahs, though.
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